


the last promise.

by denji



Category: Howl no Ugoku Shiro | Howl's Moving Castle
Genre: Angst, Chance Meetings, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Letters, Magic, Mutual Pining, One Shot, POV Third Person, POV Third Person Limited, Requited Unrequited Love, Sad Ending, She/her pronouns, Wishful Thinking, wizard shit? idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25800340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/denji/pseuds/denji
Summary: [howl pendragon / reader]i wish we had never met -- and yet, i also wish i could relive every moment with you.in which howl’s memories of her are still clear as day.
Relationships: Howl Pendragon/Reader, Howl Pendragon/You, Sophie Hatter/Howl Pendragon
Comments: 11
Kudos: 128





	the last promise.

**Author's Note:**

> edit: put in the line breaks! i didn't realize weren't there at first. kinda cringe lol

The scent of bacon and eggs always made him so bittersweet. The melodrama ingrained inside of him had him sulk every time the smell wafted his way. 

A scowl unwillingly fell onto his lips as he watched Sophie cook breakfast for the small family. Howl was unable to force a smile up as he did the first time she made breakfast — perhaps the only reason why he did then was common courtesy (and since she was his fated one true love). Leaning against the frame of the door in a brooding manner, everyone in the room besides Sophie was affected by his sudden change of mood.

“Howl?” Her voice interrupted his sour mood, his sky blue eyes lighting up once more. The scowl barely dropped.

“Good morning, Sophie.”

* * *

Howl sighed, kicking at a stone on the ground.

“Empty your pockets! Do it or else!” 

He cast a lazy glance at the three (attempting) crooks standing in front of him. He noted that the one in the middle had a rather dull looking knife in his hand. Why should he need to entertain these people today? Howl started to open his mouth before realizing that they had all been knocked flat onto the ground.

A hand took his and started to run, [color] hair peeking out from under a hood. 

“C’mon! Move your feet or they’ll catch up to us!” A feminine voice called out from in front, wind nearly completely obscuring the sound. Howl sped up his pace a bit to keep up better with the stranger. They were quick. 

Turning a sharp corner behind a building, their tight grasp on his hand flung him in front of them. Howl barely managed to avoid collapsing into them, his arms pressed against the brick wall on either side of his unexpected savior. Their dark hood largely masked their face but he could see shining [color] eyes peek out from the darkness.

The trampling of heavy footsteps rushed past the two of them, three voices calling out various obscenities and threats. 

Howl began to open his mouth once more but the stranger sharply shushed him, holding a finger to their mouth. 

“Wh-”

“Sh!” A finger was pressed to his lips as he looked down, nervous for the first time in ages. He wasn’t one to be wooed by others but this time was different; he could practically feel the tension in the air. Maybe he was just lonely. Quickly covering their mouth with their other hand, the person realized too late that their attempt for Howl to be quieter was actually louder than any sound he had made. 

The triad appeared in front of the alley they were hiding in, the stranger once again taking Howl’s hand and running. He decided that he would just see where they would take him. _Only_ because he was bored today.

Their warm grip grasped his once more, dashing down the alleyway and turning randomly. One sharp turn after the next, the two of them reached a dead end. 

“Shit! I don’t remember a dead-end here…” 

The trio of crooks skidded to a halt at both the entrance and exit to the dead end, the one in the middle bearing a sick grin. Howl noted that the leader of the posse bore a split lip and a bleeding nose. Casting a side look to the smaller figure holding his hand, he was surprised someone such as them dealt so much damage. 

“You picked the _wrong_ day to mess with us. I’ll kill both of you.” He heard a sigh from the stranger next to him, their grip tightening.

“Grab my other hand and close your eyes.” Their voice was noticeably resigned now, an iron note singing through. 

“What?”

“What are you talking about? Final words?!”

“Just do it!” Hesitantly, Howl took their other hand in his and closed his eyes. A powerful gust of wind propelled them upwards, the sudden motion shocking him. Two warm hands held his as a pair of bright [color] eyes looked down. The blast of air had thrown the hood off the stranger, uncovering messy locks of [color] hair pulled into a loose bun and a kind face. 

“Walk-! W-walk on the air! Don’t look down!” Letting go of one of his hands, she nervously started to walk in midair, floating forwards. It was obvious that she was a beginner at the arts, the wind unstable and her walking akin to stumbling. He let out an airy laugh, a feeling of exhilaration offering help to a smile adorning his face. 

“Put your hand on my shoulder!” She shot him a look of confusion. Her grip faltered and her face contorted, panic causing her to momentarily drop towards the earth. Hastily, she grabbed onto his shoulder and hoisted herself up; the swirling wind around them settling. She breathed out a shaky sigh and tightly shut her eyes, magic surging through her. Once her heartbeat calmed, she ventured to open her eyes again, only then finding out the two of them were waltzing through the air. 

Howl could tell that she was puzzled — it was evident in the vacant look in her eyes and the fleeting touch of her hands. He rested his other hand on her waist and stared, wondering what prompted their encounter.

“Why?” 

“H- huh?” Her daze was broken; eyes snapping up to look at him. “Why what?”

“Why did you rescue me?” _Maybe it’s because she thinks I’m attractive,_ Howl whispered vainly in the back of his mind, observing her reaction. _I mean, she’s pretty cute. I suppose I’ll play along if that really_ is _the reason._

“Oh! Well, uh… you looked like you were in trouble,” she murmured with a slight pause, looking off to the side. He narrowed his eyes at her but his smile never dropped. She likely noticed and wanted to justify. “I know that probably sounds weird and hero complex-y but it wasn’t the only reason… I think…” 

“...Go on.”

“You, um, look like a wizard! And I’m trying to find a wizard!”

“Oh? Why’s that?” His smile morphed into a much more sly grin, raising a delicately arched eyebrow.

“To be precise, I’m trying to find any magician. To take me as their apprentice. Right now, I’m looking for the Witch of the Waste. I’m hoping she’ll take someone like me even as a worker.” She laughed suddenly; the tension in her shoulders melting and her pace becoming far more relaxed. “Sorry for dragging you into this. I can’t imagine how jolting this must’ve been — a random woman running around with you and then launching you into the air.” He chuckled, shaking his head.

“It’s fine. Have you considered seeking out the Wizard Pendragon? You are in Kingsbury after all.”

“...Who? I only arrived here from Porthaven a few days ago. I heard a rumor that the Witch comes here often in disguises.”

“Oh, does she? That’s surprising.” 

“Anyways who is- before I get even further ahead of myself, are you okay with this? You seem surprisingly nonchalant.” That elicited yet another laugh from the blond, his delicate expression filled with mirth.

“If anything, I’m enjoying this. I don’t get to meet a lot of characters like you. What’s your name?” Howl tilted his head to the side, gazing at her in interest. Ah, well, he knew that attachment was oftentimes unnecessary and burdensome, but he was only asking for a name.

“I’m [Name] [Surname]! If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your’s?”

“I’m Howl.”

“Howl, you wouldn’t happen to be a wizard, would you?” [Name] chuckled with resignation, looking all around. This was the first time she didn’t have to worry about her unstable magic either surging or not responding at all. With this strange man — her latent power felt almost completely within her control. 

“Maybe I am.”

“Do you know this Pendragon you were talking about?”

“Perhaps.” She cocked an eyebrow at him and smiled gently, observing the way she was reflected in his marble-like eyes. 

“Ambiguous. I like it.” At that moment, their feet touched the ground in the middle of the plaza, earning many strange stares from the passersby. “Ah, I suppose this is where we part.” 

“I suppose it is.” A lingering glance held the both of their visions, some tiny sliver of them unwilling to part. “It was nice meeting you, [Name].”

* * *

“Howl? Hello? Howl…?” 

Howl blinked owlishly, feeling returning to his face. He looked up from his untouched breakfast and at Sophie, flexing his hands. With a sigh, he began to pick at the bacon on his plate.

“What’s happening with you, Howl? You’ve been kind of dramatic this morning.” Sophie said the last part with a nervous smile, trying (and not succeeding very much) to insert a joke.

“Me? Dramatic? You’re kidding.” Sophie let out a quietly masked sigh of relief, glad that her joke was well-received. Markl and Grandma exchanged a look across the table, both stuffing their face with food to avoid participating in the conversation. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. Your cooking looks great.”

He shoved an egg into his mouth for added effect before swiftly getting up and taking his plate, dumping it over Calcifer. 

“Thank you for the meal. I just don’t have much appetite these days.” Howl let out a deep breath before heading upstairs to the balcony, opening the door for some fresh air. Even then, after finding the person he would spend the rest of his life with, her memory still lingered. If he closed his eyes and thought hard enough, he could still smell the honeysuckle perfume that had always wafted from her hair. And if he thought even harder, he could be transported back into her arms. 

Leaning over the balcony, he closed his eyes once more.

* * *

“Howl! Is that you?” A hooded figure called at him from across the field, a breeze blowing through the baby sprigs of clover and poppies. She uncovered her hood and started to walk over, a shiny smile once more on her lips.

“[Name]! It’s good to see you,” Howl called out, standing up. “How’s everything been? Did you find Pendragon?” This was one of the first times Howl didn’t know how to greet someone — was he supposed to give her a hug? Maybe a handshake? They were practically strangers, so what- 

[Name] clasped one of his hands in both of her’s with a beaming smile; the corners of her eyes crinkled. All of his nervous thoughts vanished as he merely stared at her in joyful awe.

“I found the Witch of the Waste! She agreed to teach me for a bit until I asked if she knew Pendragon.” She raised an eyebrow at the wizard before crossing her arms. Howl beckoned forwards with his hand; encouraging her to continue. “Well, Howl, she told me Pendragon was _you_.” He felt himself laugh, his small smile replaced with a hearty grin.

“Oh, really? That’s surprising. What else did she tell you?” With a sigh, she dropped the stern look on her face and rolled her eyes, shoving him very lightly on his shoulder.

“She told me that you are a merciless adulterer and extreme jilter. Is that true, Howl?”

“I mean…”

“Not with that goofy haircut, you’re not.” 

“Hey!” Howl giggled, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. She looked down at her boots while dropping her hold on his hands, suddenly sheepish. “What’s wrong?”

“I was just wondering… why didn’t you take me as your apprentice?” She paused, glancing up momentarily. Insecurity was evident in the way her center of balance rolled from the balls of her feet to the front. “I mean, you weren’t required to, of course, but why didn’t you tell me that you were Pendragon, at the very least?” 

“Ah, well… the reason’s kind of embarrassing…” He placed a hand on the nape of his neck and looked to the side, avoiding eye contact.

“Oh. I see. That’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.” Howl couldn’t help but feel saddened at the obviously disappointed tone of her voice. 

“I- actually, it’s because I didn’t want to… involve myself with you.” The smile on her face faltered for a moment before returning with less sincerity. “Not that- I meant romantically! I’ve been kind of, uh, promiscuous lately. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! I mean, I’ve been waiting for one person. And I think that we’ll meet soon…?”

“You were worried about falling in love with- with me?”

“Yes.” Howl felt himself blush under someone else’s gaze for the first time in ages — usually it was the other way around. [Name] internally noted that he looked really pretty when his face was pink.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that! I can keep my distance!” 

“Are you sure about that? I think I’m pretty irresistible.” She giggled, the sight and sound of which made all the turmoil in Howl’s swirling sea of a mind placid. A hurricane had turned into a scattered rain. 

“Anyways… I wanted to ask if you’d take me as your apprentice.” Sky blue eyes widened, blond head tilting at the same time.

“The Witch wasn’t enough for you?”

“She was plenty enough — maybe too much. I don’t think her teaching style suits me very much. You don’t have to answer me right now. I just wanted to put the option on the table.” Howl felt at best apprehensive, truly wondering if he could resist. 

“Oh damn- was that a weird suggestion? I mean, we are strangers and-” He grabbed both of her hands with both of his in eager excitement, a laugh blooming across his face.

“Of course I’ll take you as a student! Provided that you help me cook and clean around the house. We’ll have much to discuss about your sleeping quarters too. I understand if you’d feel uncomfortable lodging with a man that’s barely more than a stranger.”

“No, no, I have no worries about that! I trust you! Just don’t fall in love with me, promise?” She grinned, sticking out a pinky. Howl took it with a grin of his own, shaking up and down vigorously as their hands interlocked. 

“Promise!” 

The two of them shared a collective laugh, Howl knowing, in the back of his mind, that he couldn’t help but pursue someone that wasn’t within his reach.

* * *

“Mr. Howl, what’s wrong?” Markl peeked his head out from the entrance to the balcony, red-brown hair fluttering in the wind. Howl turned his head to look back at the young boy for a brief moment before gazing out over the wasteland, brilliant shades of blue and green almost clashing into each at the horizon, only separated by a mountain range with snow-capped peaks.

“Miss Sophie asked me to check on you,” Markl clarified once he realized he would not receive an answer. Small shoes tapping on the hardwood of the balcony indicated Markl making his way across the space. “Is it her?”

“Her…?” Howl managed to mutter out, narrowing his eyes at the vast expanse of rolling green in front of him.

“Oh, I guess it’s not then.” 

Howl deeply sighed out through his nose, pausing and closing his eyes. He opened them once more and glanced down at the small boy who was looking up at him in concern. Placing a hand on the top of Markl’s head lightly, he attempted to laugh airily while ruffling his copper toned hair.

“I’m alright, Markl. Tell Sophie that I’ll be down soon.” Markl nodded with a hesitant smile, relishing the warmth of Howl’s hand on top of his head. He dashed inside again, almost slamming the door behind him. Howl watched the door after he left, the smile dropping from his face in an instant. 

“Do you remember what you told me?” There was no answer besides the wind loudly whistling past his ear. He cursed, his hands tightening harshly against the railing of the balcony. An angry grin rose upon his lips, eyes shutting firmly and body beginning to shake. “You said you would never leave me.”

* * *

“Howl! Look!” [Name] shouted out in excitement, strained hands held away from her holding an ice sculpture she had materialized out of water. Howl clapped, impressed. She had only been studying under him for about a week — at the beginning of that said week, she could barely even materialize water itself.

“Awesome! You’re a natural, [Name]!” He smiled in earnest, patting her on the head and slightly ruffling her [color] hair. Her [color] eyes widening, a grin split across her face as she turned to face him, releasing her magic at the same time. The ice sculpture melted instantly, leaving a puddle on the ground. Opening her mouth to speak, she closed it once more when she noticed the splash behind her. “Don’t worry about it.” Howl chuckled and waved his hand over the puddle, the water fizzing away in an instant.

“[Name]’s been getting really good lately!” Markl mused, briefly looking up from his book. She grinned toothily at the both of them, a blush seeping into the apples of her cheeks.

“You’re a quick learner, [Name].” Howl removed his hand from [Name]’s head earlier than he would’ve liked, but that was just his body telling him that he did what he needed to.

“Not without a great teacher!” She smiled again, the large grin reaching her eyes. Howl couldn’t help but look amused at her almost puppy-like reaction. “Thank you for teaching me, by the way.” She leaned in for a hug but her body and expression both faltered, suddenly insecure. [Name] was surprised when Howl closed the distance, lanky arms wrapping around her waist. He felt her smile into his shoulder, the action itself filling him with a deep warmth he hadn’t quite experienced before. Not since he had struck a deal with Calcifer, at the very least.

“What was that for?” Once the two of them had pulled away, Howl felt like the silence was a bit unbearable. Sheepishly, he ventured to ask a question that would best be left nonexistent.

“Oh, well, this was all… this was all so sudden, I suppose. I’m just grateful that you let me be your student,” [Name] laughed, hands wringing in anxiety. “I know you didn’t ask for my life story, but I’ve always had a hard time controlling my magic. I’ve accidentally hurt some people I care about very much and it's haunted me. I’m just thankful someone like you is guiding me.”

“[Name]...” He began, shaking his head. “You don’t ever have to worry about hurting me! Nothing you can do will ever harm me.”

“Oh- damn, that was a bit condescending wasn’t it? I shouldn’t-”

“No, no, I’m glad you said actually. Actually, I’m very glad. Thank you.”

“Ah, well…” Blood rushed to Howl’s cheeks — he was dismayed. Dismayed that someone had put him in the position of every other person he met. He covered his mouth and looked to the side, squinting at nothing in particular. 

“Howl? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing.” [Name] stepped to the space in front of him, staring him deep in his azure eyes. She appeared very amused, stifling a laugh. “What- what’s so funny?” Howl felt insecure, his hand falling away from his mouth and stiffly to his side.

“Nothing, nothing! I was just thinking; maybe you’re the one who needs to be careful of who you fall in love with.” She kept laughing, unaware of the reality of her words.

“As if! Maybe I’ll just cast a love spell on you!” Howl huffed, his face becoming redder. His embarrassment was somehow _funny_ to her?! She feigned a dramatic gasp between giggles, nearly hunched over.

“You wouldn’t dare!” 

“I _would_!!” She kept laughing, [Name]’s face almost as red as his. He stamped his foot childishly and stormed upstairs, leaving a mortified Calcifer and Markl to stare at her still hunched over form.

“Y’know, he might actually cast a spell on ya if you’re not careful,” Calcifer remarked, licks of his flame rising up as he gave [Name] an unreadable expression.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t, Calcifer!” Markl scolded Calcifer, waving a small finger in his direction. “But in all seriousness, don’t rile him up too much, Miss [Name].”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, Markl. I just think he’s sort of funny,” she rolled her eyes with a small smile, pulling out a chair at the messy dining table. “Also, Calcifer, I trust Howl. I think you were making a joke but he’s a good man. He wouldn’t do something like that.” Unknown to the three of them, Howl was peeking down from the second floor with an intent to eavesdrop. Hearing [Name]’s words made him giddier all the same, the flutter of his heart alerting Calcifer that he was nearby. The flame glanced around, looking for the blond. Upon making eye contact with him, Howl quickly retracted his head and hid, breathing out a deep sigh through his nose.

“Howl? Could you come down?” [Name]’s voice called out, Howl getting up and starting to walk down as soon as he heard. Calcifer pursed his mouth, narrowing his eyes at the sneaky man. He walked up directly behind her chair, leaving about a foot of space between the two of them. Upon noticing his presence, she gasped slightly and fumbled with the book, hastily flipping to the right page. “Oh, um, right here it said that…” Her voice died down as he leaned over her, his hands on the spine of her chair and head looming over her left shoulder. 

“Mm, what did it say?” 

“I-it said to feel the magic from its source…? I’m not quite sure what it means by source,” [Name] barely managed to breathe out, frozen by the close proximity. With cheeks kissed pink like a sakura bloom, she quickly swiveled her head back to face the book, staring down at the bound paper as if her life depended on it.

“Hm… I think it’s saying to embrace your magic from its fuel source. I derive my magic from my emotions and a deal I made.” Howl exhaled out, warm breath fanning over her fingers on the page. Not even needing to spare a glance at her disheveled state, he pressed on, aiming to make her face further scarlet. “Where do you get your magic from? What times do you notice it either surges or disappears?” The blond turned his head so that he was facing her blushing face. A strand of shiny yellow hair fell in front of his grinning face, the annoyance tickling his nose. 

[Name] audibly gulped, nervously shooting a glance at Howl; lips pulling into a slight and embarrassed grimace. 

“Is something wrong, [Name]?” She didn’t even need to open her eyes to imagine the shit-eating grin on his face. Nonetheless, she looked up at the adorable yet annoying smile. 

“N-no! Do you, uh, do you need a haircut?” The [color]-haired woman blurted out, spontaneously tucking Howl’s stray lock of hair behind his ear. He blinked owlishly at her, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. [Name] giggled, covering her mouth with her hand while she watched Howl struggle to form a sentence.

“H-hey! That’s not fair!”

* * *

Turning his heel on the balcony and heading inside, Howl recalled the time where he swore to himself and the people around him that he would never utter her name again. Dismissing every thought of _her_ from his mind, he opened the door to the second floor of the house, shutting it tightly behind him. The stairs creaked underneath his feet as he ventured downwards, vowing that the mere thought of that woman couldn’t — _wouldn’t_ — prevent him from functioning.

“Howl, come sit with me,” Sophie called out to him, beckoning a hand to the seat next to her on the long couch. He made his way to her in a few elegant strides, dropping down onto the soft cushions and sinking into the seat. He leaned onto the gray-haired woman with a flamboyant sigh, stretching his limbs in an almost catlike way. “What’s got you in a mood today?”

“Nothing, nothing at all,” Howl groaned, pressing his cheek into Sophie’s shoulder. He forced a smile up to his lips, attempting to dispel all thoughts of she-who-must-not-be-named. Cringing, he leaned harder into her shoulder. Sophie stared at him in concern, a slight grimace on her features.

“Are you alright? If anything’s bothering you, you can tell me.” Howl cracked open an eye to look up at his lover, surprised that she was being tolerant of his miserable state. He sighed and shook his head, black hair swishing about.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about.” Sophie gave him an indecipherable look with a sigh on par with his. “What are you reading?”

“I’m- before I say, just know this. I’m not your mother. However, I am your companion and wife. So, if you need to talk about anything on your mind, I’m open. Oh, and I’m reading a compilation of Juno’s poems.” Howl felt himself smile, sheepishly taking Sophie’s hand with his. He was a lucky man.

“I know, Sophie.”

* * *

“Howl, do you remember me asking you about a haircut?” [Name] suddenly spoke out from her seat across the room, sitting on the couch while reading a pamphlet. Howl tried to say something but his mouth was full of eggs and toast. Forcing the food down, the unfamiliar presence of something so dense traveling down his throat forced him to frantically hit his chest with a fist and take a long drink of water. [Name] stifled a laugh, covering her face with the pamphlet. “You know, you could’ve kept chewing for a little bit. Take your time.”

“Too late for that now, huh? And no, I don’t remember.” Howl smirked, shoving yet another extraordinary amount of food into his mouth. He couldn’t remember a time he devoured food like this since his adolescence — food just wasn’t as appealing after he had grown up. 

“Be careful! You might choke. Do you need to be fed so you don’t take in too much at once?” She laughed once more, but this time at her own joke. He stared at her from his place at the dining table, mulling over the option. In his honest opinion, it didn’t sound like a bad idea. But he couldn’t tell her that. Continuing to chew, he knew that the action was a little too fond for him to resist.

“N-no! Are you crazy?” Howl cringed inwardly, regretful at his choice of words once he saw the smile on her face falter. “Do… do you want to?”

“Not unless you’re comfortable with it!! I just thought it’d be fun so you don’t need to feel pressure to let me…” 

“It’s f-fine!” Howl gulped, realizing how weak his heart was. Seeing her disappointment was like a bone-shattering punch being delivered directly over the place his heart should have been. “You can sit next to me.” 

[Name] placed the pamphlet down onto the coffee table and walked over slowly. Unbeknownst to Howl, she made sure her steps were paced so she didn’t seem too desperate. Taking a seat in the chair pulled out next to him, she took the fork and knife from his hands and began cutting the bacon into smaller pieces.

“Thank you for making breakfast, [Name].” Howl smiled gently and genuinely, the look beheld by her being one of the most sincere she had experienced. Blushing under his gaze, she continued to diligently cut the contents of the plate.

“It’s really no problem,” [Name] exhaled, bringing a piece of bacon to his lips. The blond took it with a light hum, closing his eyes and chewing slowly to properly savor the flavor. “I mean, I noticed that you rarely ever ate breakfast and when you did… It was light and poorly made. Not that you’re bad at cooking.” She giggled, shyly glancing at his lips before returning her gaze to his crystalline eyes.

“I’ll have to properly cook for you sometime then,” Howl sighed out dreamily, opening his mouth for another piece. She placed the bacon dipped in some egg yolk into his parted lips, casting her gaze to the side in order to not discomfort him. “It tastes better when you’re feeding me, you know.” Playfully hitting him on his shoulder; she took the opportunity to stuff a small portion of toast into his mouth too.

“Oh, hush!”

* * *

Blinking himself awake, Howl realized he had fallen asleep on the couch. Turning his head, he saw a note on the table addressed to him. In it, Sophie had simply explained that she and Markl had headed out to buy some groceries. He dramatically covered his eyes with the back of his forearm and sighed deeply, letting the piece of paper drift to the ground.

“Howl.” Was someone calling his name?

“ _Howl._ ” Oh, it was only Calcifer.

“What’s up, Cal?” Howl groaned, propping himself up onto his elbows to look at Calcifer.

“Why aren’t you over her yet?” 

“What do you know?” Howl spat out, fully getting up and leaning back onto the couch.

“I know that every time I say her [Name], you nearly self-destruct. I know that eating bacon and eggs — or even _breakfast_ now — disgusts you. I spent most of my life acting as your heart; I’d like to think I’m pretty familiar with the little sucker.”

“Calcifer, I could douse you. Right now. With water.”

“If you could catch me,” Calcifer snickered momentarily, before resuming his serious expression. “But seriously, there you go again. When are you going to stop blaming her for what you did?”

* * *

“Let me braid your hair, Howl!” A flustered face and tensed up shoulders was enough to let him know she had been preparing herself to say this. 

“Oh? Why should I?” Howl smirked, walking up to the girl confidently. She shook her head, as if dispelling any distracting thoughts. Cute.

“I just think… I just think you’d look pretty with braided hair.” Bending down, she brought up a basket of various flowers when she stood straight up. “I also picked these from the nearby flower fields for braiding in your hair.” The way [Name] presented the flowers was similar to if she were defending a case.

“I mean, when you put it like that, how could I say no? Let me finish this quick thing first and then I’ll be with you.” After hearing those words, her face was akin to sparkling fireworks lighting up the night sky. 

“Okay! I’ll be in the wasteland when you’re ready!” Howl made himself finish the paperwork he was filling out quickly, putting away his glasses and setting his pen down. Shifting the door to the wasteland, he walked out to see [Name] sitting with her feet tucked underneath her facing the lake, observing the nature around her. 

She swiveled her head around when she heard the gentle sound of footsteps on grass behind her, her face once again beaming. 

“Sit in front of me!” [Name] patted the space in her front of her, at the same time gesturing for Howl to come nearer. He obliged, sitting down cross-legged and hunched in front of her. She lightly tapped his back; him gracefully taking the suggestion to straighten his spine.

Once they were both situated, she began brushing through his lengthening hair. Once Howl heard her humming, he felt himself relax under her touch all the same and lean back slightly. 

“Your hair is so beautiful and soft,” she murmured, still brushing his shiny golden locks. 

“I condition it with magic.” He felt inclined to explain that the only secret was that he never used conditioner because there weren’t a lot of places he could easily obtain it. 

“Either way, it’s very pretty.” She continued to hum, not noticing how pink the nape of his neck was becoming. 

Combing her fingers through his reflective tresses, she relished the feeling of the soft hair falling in between her fingers. Once [Name] was done brushing through with both her fingers and a wooden comb, she began to braid his hair into pigtails. Separating his mane down the middle, she began working on the left side first.

“Ow!” Howl yelped, cringing at the sudden tug.

“Is it too tight?”

“Yes.”

“Well… I’ll loosen it then.” Tugging at a different lock of his hair, she managed to make the braid a bit looser but still comfortable. Unwillingly, Howl admitted to himself that it was actually quite pleasurable having her be so close to him — doting on him as she did. “Is it better now? I can loosen it again if you’d like.”

“No, it’s alright. Thank you.” [Name] hummed happily in response, continuing to braid flowers into his hair. “Say, what brought you to Kingsbury?”

“Oh, I hadn’t told you already? I was there to find a teacher for magic.”

“But… why?” Howl heard a deep sigh emanate from the woman, her grip on his growing braid going slack for a moment. Did he hit a nerve? “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, it’s fine. My mother is ill and truthfully, this is the last resort. I told her — when I first set out on my little ‘adventure’ — that I wouldn’t come back unless I had found the cure for her seemingly incurable yet almost benign disease.” She gave a pause, recollecting herself. “It’s been nearly six years since I told her that. Every time I found one miracle cure or another and brought it back, it didn’t work.”

“Every time, she told me that she was doing fine and I should’ve just continued on with my own life. But what did I have? I dropped out of college during my first year when she was diagnosed, and I’ve been on a wild goose chase since. She kept telling me that she was okay but I saw that her state was gradually getting worse. I… sorry, could we not talk about this?”

“Yeah, of course. We don’t have to.”

“I even said that it was fine for me to talk about…” Howl could practically hear the scowl in her voice as she talked, barely contained anger pulling his hair a little tighter. Cringing, his shoulders tensed up; but as soon as he did that, [Name] released her grip on the braid with a slight sigh. “I’m sorry. I’ll tell you everything some other time, okay?”

“You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable telling me, [Name].” Howl looked back at her in reassurance, taking in her downcast expression. His lips pulled into a thin line, but right before she looked up at him, he manifested a grin. “I don’t ever want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Thank you, Howl.” Resuming her braiding, Howl took a moment to reflect on what had led both of them there. It was really quite coincidental that either of them had met or even continued their friendship. He was grateful she had run up to him in the wastes. “Howl, what brought you to Ingary?” 

“Ingary? Shouldn’t you be asking about Kingsbury or Porthaven?”

“Well… something about you seems foreign. You looked the Ingarian part but your accent and tones shift when you speak. Not to mention how odd your mannerisms are sometimes.” Howl laughed airily, shoulders bobbing up and down at the rich tones of his voice.

“You’re perceptive!” [Name] grinned, still working hard on his hair.

“Am I?” The two of them burst into a small fit of giggles, stopping whatever heavy conversation they thought they were going to have.

“In all seriousness, though, are you from Strangia? Do you have family there?”

“Oh, no. Even if I told you where I’m from, you wouldn’t know. So I’d prefer to say I’m a born-and-bred Ingarian.” [Name] nodded thoughtfully, tying together the first braid with a silk ribbon. 

“What about your family?”

“They… they don’t want anything to do with me. I visited them a few years after coming here and they didn’t want me in their lives anymore. I suppose I abandoned them first but the betrayal still hurts.”

“I see… I apologize if that brought up anything you didn’t want to remember.”

“No, no, it’s fine. You won’t abandon me, will you?” There was yet another lull in their conversation; [Name] struggling to find the right words for the situation. Continuing to brush thoughtfully, she felt her throat constrict at the mere concept of her family expelling her. “That wasn’t a good question to ask. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine! And, to answer your question, I won’t. I promise,” she smiled to herself secretly, sticking a pinky out in front of him. Taking it with his own, he interlaced the two fingers with a small and guilty grin.

* * *

“Calcifer, why did she leave?” Calcifer shot Howl an extreme look of annoyance and accusation, probably crossing imaginary flame arms.

“Still haven’t gotten it through that thick head of yours? She didn’t leave. _You_ left. You just upright disappeared for a year. What was she supposed to do? Wait for you?”

“But she promised me…”

“No, Howl. You’re the one that broke the promise. Both of them. You fell in love and you didn’t know how to handle it so you blamed her. You thought that it was her fault that you had been led astray from the path to your ‘one true love’ but she was right there. And can we stop referring to [Name] like that? She has a name.” Howl sat back down, taking in the fire-demon’s lecture with a palm pressed to his forehead. His head was caving inwards, as if his skull was pressing on the sides of his brain. 

“I didn’t abandon her! I only left!”

“What’s the difference?! Seriously, how long are you going to keep running away from a memory?” Howl sucked in a shaky breath, smoothing jet black hair back with a trembling hand. “You know, you could just erase all memories of her from our heads if you were really that hurt.”

“I…can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Damn, Calcifer, I don’t know alright? Maybe I’m just giving into my commitment issues when I avoid her. I don’t want to talk about her right now. I’m going to take another nap. Wake me up when Sophie and Markl come home.” Planting his head down onto a pillow once more, he curled up into a fetal position as best as he could on that couch.

* * *

“...Howl? Howl?” Howl snorted himself awake, pulling strands of blond hair out of his mouth. Where was he? [Name]’s face was directly above his head from a bottom view, the underside of her chin in sight. The warm and almost pillowy sensation underneath his head… was he on her lap? “Oh, good, you’re awake!” Her smile was a bit too dazzling for him so early after he had gotten up. 

“Oh…” Howl felt color rush to his cheeks, glancing off to the side while covering his face with his hands. Mouth contorting under his palms, he imagined that she must’ve thought he looked stupid. Hearing a calming chuckle rumble through her belly, he ventured a peek up at [Name]’s smiling face.

“Are you uncomfortable? Or are you just embarrassed?” Closing the gap in between his fingers once more, he groaned and flipped onto his side so that his head was completely turned. Cheek pressed against her thighs, his face only felt warmer. 

“No, I’m comfortable. Maybe a little embarrassed.” Howl shyly added on the last sentence as an afterthought, still covering his face with his hands. [Name] grinned, the only impression of this interaction being how cute he was. 

“If you want to move, I won’t stop you. _However_ , my lap is pretty comfy, huh?” 

“Mhm, yeah, yeah.” Relishing the warmth radiating underneath him, he stifled a rising smile. Maybe he should just fall asleep again.

“Oh, while you’re awake, this letter arrived.” [Name] handed him an envelope addressed to the Wizard Pendragon, envelope adorned with gold-leaf decorations and shining golden ink. Emblazoned on the flap was the signature red wax-seal of the palace, king’s crown and all. “Do you know the king?”

“Sort of — maybe,” Howl breathed out deeply from his nose, tearing the wax seal open. Out flapped a letter, enchanted with animation magic. It read that the king was to host a masquerade gala in three days time after sunset in the palace. ‘Come dressed in your finest!’ “Oh, it’s just a silly invitation. I get these all the time.” Howl rolled his eyes with a sigh, the letter falling to the ground as the magic wore off. 

“A ‘silly invitation’? The king’s _inviting_ you to his birthday gala!” [Name] grabbed the letter from off the ground, subsequently leaning over Howl’s head and slightly suffocating him. “Oh, sorry!” Sheepishly, she read over the letter once more, as if she couldn’t comprehend it.

“Do you want to go? A lot of the time it isn’t very fun for me,” Howl glanced up at her, gaging her reaction. She shrugged, containing disappointment. “I mean, this time around, I suppose it’ll be different if I have a partner.” A smile bloomed onto her face akin to flowers opening in the spring.

“Of course it’ll be different! We should go shopping right now!” [Name] was obviously very enthused at the prospect of going to the royal palace, and how could Howl ruin her fun? It was also very exciting the first time _he_ went there, albeit for different reasons. 

“Shopping for what? I can just make my own clothes however I want.”

“Don’t you want to indulge in materialism, Howl?”

“I can make your clothes too.”

“Ooh, could you??” At this point, her grin was just growing larger and larger, legs nearly bouncing underneath his head. “Can we do it right now? Or, better yet, you should teach me the spell!” Oh, right. He was supposed to be her teacher. Their relationship wasn’t supposed to go past that of friends. Blinking sullenly, he suddenly sat up and looked away from her.

They had both made the promise to not fall in love with the other — yet, why was it so hard? All it took was maintaining some distance. It was really quite simple. Perhaps it was the rush of doing something he knew he shouldn’t have done. Perhaps it was only because [Name] was someone that was easily fallen in love with.

“What’s wrong?” Snapping him back to reality, he realized that he had subconsciously started melting. Just a tad. This was a bad habit of his: quite literal meltdowns whenever he became overwhelmed. 

“Nothing. I’ll teach you the spell for fabric manipulation.” Getting up, he walked over to a bookshelf to pull out an ancient text on the verge of falling apart. He flipped to a page near the end and floated it over to [Name]. Scanning over the words, she nodded thoughtfully and held out both of her hands in fierce concentration, locking [color] eyes onto the space in front of her.

Forcing out a grunt, a small piece of fabric materialized in front of her as she let go, the patch drifting to the ground while she wiped sweat from her forehead. The fabric was soft but not very refined; the color also blotchy and inconsistent. She sighed, groaning out loudly.

“At this rate, I’ll show up half naked to the ball,” [Name] grumbled, cracking her knuckles in preparation for another attempt. Howl walked in front of her and placed a hand atop of her’s with a resigned smile.

“I’ll make the dress for you — just draw me a picture of how you want it designed. Or use that mental projection technique I showed you last week,” he breathes out, gently guiding her hands down to her sides. She looks up at him in grateful admiration, a small smile adorning her lips. Unfortunately for him, the mental projection technique was one where the magician had to press their forehead to the person they wanted to transfer their thoughts to. It was only unfortunate in the sense it made their promise harder to uphold. 

Gingerly putting a hand to the nape of Howl’s neck, [Name] brought his forehead down to her firmly. Had he not been receiving a stream of information, the blond most certainly would’ve been blushing.

“Wow. It’s beautiful, [Name]! Have you ever considered becoming a designer instead of a magician?” Though intended as a joke and taken as one, she couldn’t help but feel a little dismayed at the question.

“Oh, well, Howl, you know why I’m trying to become a witch. Maybe, in another life, I could’ve been a designer.” Howl sucked in a breath between teeth, still holding his smile. Unlike him, her smile dropped. “Once I find a cure, maybe.”

“Yes, in another life.” [Name] noticed the tension, regretfully realizing how she had accidentally turned the mood sour.

* * *

“-owl! Mr. Howl!” Markl’s voice invaded Howl’s mind, along with small hands shaking his arm. 

“Mmf, what?” Howl groaned, shrugging off Markl’s grip as gently as he could. Rubbing his eyes, he cracked them open to see Markl staring down at him in concentration. Howl sighed, sitting up. Calcifer probably told Markl to wake him up.

“You looked like you were having a bad dream,” Markl whispered to him in concern, looking at his master in a way no apprentice should’ve been burdened with. With yet another sigh, Howl patted the brunette on the head; ruffling Markl’s hair. 

“I suppose I was.” Howl gave Markl a faint smile, waving his hand as if to dismiss him. Markl shot him one last troubled glance before walking away. “Ahem, Sophie, when did you get back?”

“About half an hour ago. We bought you some pastries since I knew you didn’t eat much breakfast,” Sophie answered from across the room, holding up a bag for him. Howl smiled to himself, internally processing just _how_ lucky he was to have Sophie as his wife. She was there in his areas most lacking and even more; the pillar of support he so desperately needed to lessen his childish behaviors. His cowardice; though he would never admit it. The black-haired man felt his smile turn sour as he kept thinking — that damn [Name]! She practically enabled him to do whatever he pleased — to let his ego rot and grow at the same time! Howl _had_ to blame her. 

…Well, what else could he do?

“So, are you going to eat them? If you won’t, I will.” Sophie’s voice snapped him out of his momentary stupor of anger. He shook his head and stretched out lazily, yawning as he got up and made his way over to the kitchen table.

“I’ll eat them, I’ll eat them.” Begrudgingly, he sat down at the table and took a pastry out of the bag, eyeing it reluctantly. Seconds passed and Howl still hadn’t eaten it, merely staring at the ever-aging piece of bread in his palm.

“What, you need me to feed you?” Sophie joked, sitting down next to him. 

Howl cringed.

* * *

[Name]’s eyes were practically twinkling in the candlelight as she and Howl made their way up the grand staircase into the castle. Many gasps of awe were heard from the guests but she remained quite silent, preferring to look upon the decorations in quiet amazement. 

“Sorry, did you say something?” Howl looked down at the shorter woman, hearing slight murmurs from her side. Admiring the view of her, he felt the comfortable weight of her arm snaking around his. She glanced up with a slightly parted mouth, blinking,

“Huh? Oh, I was just thinking about the underfunded schools and living facilities for the homeless in Porthaven. To think that this is where the king sends the money of this country… this and the military! Provoking a smaller country for war… as if Strangia doesn’t have the same people we do,” [Name] muttered bitterly, rolling her eyes at the unnecessary extravagance of the place. A much smaller palace would’ve done much the same job. Howl smiled, previously unaware of this side of her. “What?”

“Oh, nothing. Just admiring my date,” Howl chuckled, turning his gaze forwards again. They were still going up the stairs at a leisurely pace, albeit getting closer to the entrance. [Name] sputtered, cheeks kissed an attractive pink. The blond only felt his smile grow larger knowing that a simple compliment was enough to make her blush like that.

“Hush! You’re embarrassing, you know…” She trailed off at the end, presumably feeling bad for the way she described him. [Name] merely pulled him a bit closer, [color] eyes glued straight ahead of her now. 

Howl stopped right as they approached the entrance, guards at the sides of the large double door.

“What’s wrong?” [Name] asked, eyeing him up and down.

“I forgot the invitation.” With him in front of her, besides the glowy bask of candles and rays of moonlight, Howl could’ve sworn that she was glowing. He hadn’t taken the time to properly appreciate the way she wore the dress — the color complimenting her features and even accentuating them. [Name] had yet to put on the mask she designed herself, but Howl already knew she would’ve looked perfect either way. “You’re beautiful, [Name].” She pursed her lips with a kiss of her teeth, looking away; blush deepening.

“I brought the invitation, dimwit.” Focusing onto an incantation in her mind, it _looked_ like her was reaching into thin air and pulling out a letter, but Howl realized that this was a dimension manipulation spell.

“Wow! Where did you learn that one?” He was impressed; he hadn’t even mentioned even the concept of dimensions to her yet. 

“I looked through a certain someone’s notes. Now, let’s go, or the ball will be over before we know it.” 

Howl smiled brightly, gazing at [Name] in such a way that could only be mistaken for a lover’s. She glanced up at him, catching his stare and looking away to the guard, holding the invitation up in front of him. The red-clad guard nodded and stepped to the side, giving allowance for the massive double-doors to open. 

The two — who could have only been perceived as a couple — slipped their masks on at the same time, [Name] tying her’s with a silk ribbon behind her head. Howl had enchanted his to stay on, remembering how he told her that if you could take the easy way out… well, you should. 

Upon entering the grandiose ballroom, pleasantly upbeat music and ambience-like chatter filled their ears. The ballroom itself was a sight to behold; even the chandelier sparkled a bit more. Candles weren’t simply hung from the walls and ceiling — even the lighting fixtures were floating! It seemed that the room itself was swaying to the beat of the music. People appeared to pause and stare as the couple stepped onto the marble floors, the talking coming to a brief halt. 

Many whispers around the room whisked past them as Howl and [Name] made their way forwards to greet the king. Questions flew; who were they? The general impression looked like they were a foreign (possibly royal!) couple. 

“Your Majesty- thank you for inviting us,” as Howl approached the man himself, he briefly lifted his mask to indicate his identity. [Name] slightly curtsied, unaware what to do in such an incomprehensible situation. Ah, well, you could never fully escape the system that created you.

“Oh, my, Pendragon! I didn’t even notice it was you; I perhaps thought you were some celebrity couple. I don’t remember there being a missus…?” The king laughed heartily, standing up to clap Howl on the shoulder. Howl let out a strained chuckle, cringing at the action under his mask.

“Ah, we’re not married. I’m simply his plus-one for the night,” [Name] smiled with resignation at the king, unhooking her arm from him in that moment. Howl glanced at her briefly, his smile declining into a thin line. 

“Well, I hope you two enjoy yourselves! After all, this is a party thrown by yours truly.” The king winked, shooing them away. 

[Name] risked a look up at Howl, observing his face for any change of expression. His sea-glass blue eyes were deadset in front of him, an unnecessarily grim look on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s… nothing,” Howl spared an eye at her, searching her face for any underlying emotion besides concern. He sighed, casting his gaze once more to the side. “Well, you heard him. Let’s enjoy ourselves, shall we?” Putting on a smile, he bowed almost comically; shiny blonde locks swaying. [Name] mirrored him with a chuckle, the tension that was amassing quietly falling away. Howl offered his hand and she took it gracefully, accepting his invitation onto the ballroom floor. 

With the touch of a butterfly’s wings, he placed his hand on her waist and grabbed her opposite hand. Underneath both their masks, a fierce blush rose upon their skin. Fortunately for [Name], she had dusted some matte [color] powder on her neck and face before, anticipating sweat.

The comfortable weight of his hand on her waist steadied her, the movement of their bodies practically in sync. [Name] noticed her focus begin to drift as she examined each individual part of Howl’s face — his plush lips to his almost glassy blue eyes. Stumbling a bit, Howl caught her as the [color]-haired woman let out a yelp. With a gulp and a spiking heart rate; her nails dug into his shoulder.

“Relax, just follow my lead,” Howl whispered into her ear with a sultry voice, smirking slightly. That did little to ease her heart palpitations but [Name] nodded, letting her rhythm melt into his. 

The soft flow of the band really did seem like background music at that point; the two of them completely engrossed with each other. Everything else was obsolete in those moments — only they existed. 

“Do you trust me?” Howl asked somewhat shyly, an idea popping into mind. [Name] nodded with no hesitation. He smiled, pulling her close before letting her down with a dip. “Are you alright?” Howl noticed that her neck was quite flushed but she was nonetheless smiling. 

“Now, do you trust me?” [Name] inquired breathily, giving his shoulder a squeeze. Howl smiled gently; his kind gaze enveloping her.

“Of course.” Howl watched [Name] mutter an incantation under her breath — and suddenly, they were rising. Each step felt as solid as the last. 

“This is like the first time we met, huh?” Howl grinned toothily, admiring her progress.

“It is.” The music came to a swell, as well as the hushed whispers and gasps of awe beneath them. 

“Oh!” [Name] exclaimed, the existence of other people abruptly made aware again. “Well, I suppose we’re diverting the attention from the birthday boy, hm?” Howl laughed, shaking his head. 

“I’m glad we met, [Name].” Unknown to either of them, both of their bodies began to lean in as the romantic flow of the music died down. They began to float down as well, with flushed faces and bright smiles.

Swept up in the moment, the thought of giving him a kiss dug itself into her mind. 

As their feet touched the ground, [Name] leaned in more. Howl closed his eyes, prepared to experience the moment he had been thinking about for so long. With puckered lips, he opened his eyes in surprise when a soft kiss was pressed to his cheek.

“Thank you, Howl.”

* * *

With extreme reluctance, Howl managed to swallow a small bite of his muffin. Staring out of the window past Sofie, she noticed his eyes take on the same glassy look they had when he was heartless. Frustrated, she got up from her seat across from him and moved back over to the couch next to Markl. Really, what was wrong with him today? 

“I’m going to my laboratory,” Howl suddenly declared, pushing out from the table and leaving most of his food untouched. Sofie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Markl, could you cast a chilling spell over his food?”

As much as there was on Howl’s mind, he couldn’t help but notice how silent Calcifer was. Maybe he was just as affected by the lack of _her_ presence as Howl was. Creaking wood ached under his shoes as he climbed up the stairs, making several seemingly random turns before disabling a spell on a hidden door. The brass hinges of the door groaned out at the raven-haired man as he opened it, begging for even the tiniest bit of oil.

It had been ages since he’d been up there — at least by his standards. Maybe a week. Several new smells were emanating from projects he had either been conducting or forgot about. Scanning the room, he spotted the latch to a hidden attic above the laboratory. He jumped up to open the hatch and used a levitation spell to get up, subsequently shutting the trapdoor behind him. 

Breathing in deeply, he tasted fading honeysuckle and lemongrass on his tongue. He’d let many people into his laboratory before; mainly drunken lovers and his immediate family. But he had never let anyone see this hidden room. Howl had cast a light manipulation spell that only he could see through to open the door. Furthermore, he imprinted several runes that made the place nearly indestructible. So, if the moving castle ever fell, at least this room would’ve been safe. 

The room itself was quite cramped and needed cleaning — piles of clothes, books, and random trinkets were scattered across the nearly damp wooden floors and the window on the far wall was smudged and dusty. In theory, yes, he could’ve just cast a cleaning spell but subconsciously, he wanted the honeysuckle smell to remain. Of course, he always pretended that it was merely his laziness in the way of productivity that stopped him from doing so.

In the worst possible case, this room could’ve been interpreted as a shrine dedicated to someone no longer there; in the best possible case it was a collection of things Howl was planning on donating.

However, it was a bit closer to the former. Only a _bit_ , though. If you said otherwise, Howl would’ve hexed you. 

He's no creep. He went into that room maybe two times a year. 

Rummaging through a box of photos on the ground, he found something he wasn’t looking for. His lips pulled into a thin line, a frog in his throat rising. It was a scrapbook she had made for him several years ago. In it were several crude drawings and many pictures derived from her mind’s eye; every image accompanied with a few sentences. 

Something that was falling apart at the edges usually held much sentimental value. But he would never let himself admit it. Howl’s brain screamed for him to put it down but his hands kept flipping, blue eyes reading each word over and over again without pause. Perhaps he was searching for deeper meaning behind her messages. Or maybe he was clinging on to a memory he knew should’ve faded. 

“Ah.” Howl sucked in a deep breath, pausing on an illustration of himself. It was a picture of him sleeping, presumably also copied from her mind. He looked a lot more angelic than he had ever imagined; even coming from a narcissist like himself. The caption was what really made a lump form in his throat.

‘This isn’t creepy as it looks, I swear. Remember that time you helped me get to sleep during that thunderstorm? I don’t think I would’ve slept that night otherwise. You’re also very pretty when you sleep, you know. Nevermind, that sounds really creepy — sorry.’

‘Anyways, this also marks the first half-year I’ve spent with you. I hope we can have many more half (or full) years together. Happy birthday, Howl.’

‘P. S., I’m just thankful someone like you is in my life.’

A shaky exhale barely made its way past his lips as tears pooled in his eyes, threatening to fall. How had he let a stupid little letter like this affect him to this extent? He should’ve just gotten rid of all her stuff when she left. He should’ve just completely forgotten about her. Just as Calcifer had suggested; erase all memory of her from everyone’s head. Then he wouldn’t have been feeling like this. 

Setting down the scrapbook, he kept rummaging.

* * *

Lightning shocked down, its brilliant white light illuminating the raining night sky. Ripping through the inky darkness, next came an oppressive roll of thunder; practically shaking the earth beneath. 

Howl laid awake in his cluttered room, unable to fall asleep. The thunderstorm raged outside, but he could barely detect it. He had cast a sound-barrier on his bedroom a while back; both from the outside and the inside. This was the first time the silence in his room had been deafening. Before he had met [Name], he had spent many late nights up until early mornings tinkering in his laboratory and avoiding sleep. Either that or wandering between Kingsbury and Porthaven.

Now that she was in his life, he slept before midnight and woke up before noon. Come to think of it, this was the longest time someone had in Ingary had been in his life. At least, someone Howl considered worthwhile that wasn’t Calcifer or Markl. What was the harm of staying up a couple of hours tonight?

Sitting up with a stretch and a yawn, he decided he was going to make a gift for [Name]. Maybe a little good-luck trinket or study-helper. Opening his door, the roar of thunder immediately filled his ears as another vein of lightning cracked down from the sky.

Howl winced at the sudden change of volume. 

Closing his door behind him, he tip-toed past Markl’s room forwards to his laboratory. Stopping in front of [Name]’s room, he thought he was imagining the sound of crying from inside. In between the rumbling of thunder, Howl strained to hear the obvious sniffling and gasping of crying. Should he go inside? Or should he just ignore it? What if he was just imagining her crying? Taking a deep breath, he knocked thrice on the wooden door.

“[Name]? Are you alright?” Reluctant steps on creaking hardwood make their way to the door, a slow creaking showing a disheveled [Name] with red-rimmed eyes staring at the ground.. 

“Did I wake you?” 

“No, of course not. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s late, Howl. You should head back to bed.” Howl frowned, leaning into the doorframe. She wasn’t dodging the question very well.

“Were you crying just now?” [Name] finally looked up, surprise evident on her face. She hadn’t expected him to be straightforward — if anything, he was good at never getting to the point. Blinking back tears, she let out a strained laugh.

“Well, you caught me.” Howl smiled gently, a warm hand grabbing her’s.

“Come to my laboratory. I don’t think I’ve given you a proper tour yet.” Stepping out of her, another crash of thunder came down outside, shaking the castle itself. Yelping with a jump, [Name] fell into Howl. Catching her gracefully, he knew that he should’ve let go of her as soon as he caught her. She was shaking. 

“You’re alright,” he murmured, patting her head. In the back of his mind, he was thinking that the silver-haired stranger could wait. A suppressed sob wracked through her body as she balled his nightshirt under her fist. Howl hugged her tighter, wondering how he could protect her from the storm. [Name]’s tears were warm on his shirt, still crying. 

“I’m sorry…” Howl shook his head, patting her once more. Teary eyes looked up at him with quivering lips — the silver-haired stranger could and _would_ wait. 

“Stay here for a moment, alright?” With one last head pat, Howl headed down the stairs and out of the door. [Name] stood there, stunned. She was still clutching at the air where he had been. Hearing the bell of the castle’s door ring, she quickly followed him down. What was he doing? 

Opening the door, she saw his blonde hair whipping in the wind, casting a levitation spell. 

“Howl!” [Name] called out, standing at the entrance. Rain blew at her face, obscuring her vision. “Howl!!” He glanced back, waving his hand. 

“Go back inside, [Name]!” He shouted back, magic glowing around his hands. His hair started to float upwards wildly, seemingly untouched by the wind. 

“Howl, it’s dangerous!” She muttered the same incantation, trying to run up towards him. The wind was pushing against her, whistling past her ears to go back. At this point, the rain had completely soaked both of them, water mixing with her tears. “Come inside! Whatever it is, it’s not worth it!” [Name] grabbed onto his hand, pulling him towards her. The glowing subsided for a moment before resuming; even brighter.

“It’s worth it! It’s you!” Howl yelled back, yanking his hand away. A bright light cast out over the sky, pushing the clouds away and leaving the clear night sky. He let out a relieved sigh, wind and glowing dying down. “It’s always worth it if it’s for you.” [Name] smiled warmly before smacking the back of his head. 

“Ow! What was that for?” Howl cried out, rubbing the spot she had hit.

“You’re stupid! You could’ve gotten struck by lightning! And now we’re both soaked.” [Name] bellowed out, red in the face. She huffed before grabbing his hand and pulling him into a hug. “But thank you. I appreciate it.” They floated down, still hugging. 

“C’mon. You’re gonna catch a cold.” Leading him back into the house, she told him to stay in the kitchen while she grabbed towels for the both of them. 

“You know-” 

“Ah, hush. Just let me do this one thing for you, all right?” [Name] smiled graciously at him before heading upstairs to the bathroom. Howl stood still, knowing that he could’ve just used a warming rune instead. 

“Here.” She held out a towel to him, beginning to wipe away at the rainwater on herself first. He nodded as thanks and took the towel, letting his hand linger on her’s for just a moment too long. 

“Calcifer, could you heat up some bathwater?” Howl called out to the sleeping Calcifer, water dripping down from his slick hair onto the ground. Calcifer blinked blearily, yawning.

“What time is it? Why are you two still awake?” Calcifer grumbled, sleep evident in his voice.

“Well, our good man Howl decided to be dumb again.” Calcifer nodded with an ‘amen,’ crossing his arms. “Not that it’s always a bad thing, but, there are easier ways out than casting a mana-draining stilling spell.” Howl let out a bark of laughter, shaking his head.

“Mana-draining? Have you met me?” They shared a chuckle, both a bit awed at what had just happened. 

“Still! Casting a spell like that without preparation? It could’ve killed you; especially in weather like that.”

“But… I didn’t.” [Name] punched him in the arm, frowning up at him. 

“You’re far too cocky for a man who still needs someone to cut his hair for him.” 

“It’s not that I don’t know _how_ to, you just do a better job!”

“Howl, you use _magic_ to cut your hair. You think I can do a better job than magic?”

“Yes, I do think so!” Despite the soaking chill of his wet clothes clinging to his body, his face flushed. [Name] sighed with a smile, patting him on the cheek. Howl’s cheeks bloomed an even deeper shade of pink, lips pulling into a thin line. 

“You should take a hot bath and get to sleep soon.”

“I can just use a warming rune. You should take the bath.” 

“Just use a rune on me too! Simple. Besides, I want to see your laboratory!” Howl yawned, looking at a clock on the wall.

“Tomorrow morning, yeah?” He pat her on the head, realizing how drained he actually was. [Name] nodded, hiding her disappointment. Grabbing the runes from the messy dining table, the [color]-haired girl muttered the enchantment under her breath. The two clay-colored stones began to evaporate within her hands as a dryly heated wind swirled around the two of them.

“You didn’t need to use your magic for me,” Howl half-heartedly protested, head drooping. 

“You’re already drained. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Amidst his weak objections, [Name] put his arm over her shoulders and guided him upstairs. Flipping the blankets aside, she gently let him down and tucked him in.

“Good night, Howl.” 

“G’night… [Name]...” Casting one last glance over his sleeping figure, [Name] closed the door and headed back to her room.

* * *

“Oh, there it is,” Howl mumbled, finally finding what he was searching for. Pulling out a crumpled envelope, he shoved it into his shirt’s breast pocket and headed for the trap door, wanting nothing more than to get out of that room. Yanking open the small door, he hopped down and sealed the passageway once more. 

The old perfume of honeysuckle clinged to his clothes, enshrouding his body even though he was out of that hidden room. Heading downstairs again, a nervous Sophie was leafing through his old pictures with Calcifer sitting on the table next to her.

“Howl.” Her voice was oddly stressed; something was weighing on her mind.

“Yes?”

“Who’s [Name]?” Howl blinked owlishly, stopping midway on the steps. 

“Why do you ask?” He swallowed thickly, narrowing his eyes at Calcifer and Markl. Markl looked away when they made eye contact but Calcifer gave him an obstinate stare. 

Sophie frowned, looking at him in scrutinization. 

“Don’t avoid my question. Who is [Name]?” 

“She… she doesn’t matter. Not anymore, at least.” Sophie’s frown deepened, glancing back and forth at Calcifer. Howl shot the flame a warning look to not interfere before resuming his descent down the stairs, sitting across the table from Sophie. “Why do you ask?”

“Calcifer told me why you’ve been acting strange all day.”

“Oh, have I?” Howl grimaced, clenching a fist underneath the table. “What’s the reason?”

“Today’s the anniversary of her leaving you, right?” Howl sighed with a nod, smoothing back his bangs. “And Calcifer told me that it’s the fifth anniversary, too.” The black-haired man wasn’t quite sure what to say, so he simply remained silent.

“Howl, I don’t mind that you miss her.” 

“I don’t.”

“Why do you want to cover it up? It’s normal not to get over former lovers. Especially if they were important to you.” Howl grimaced, subconsciously clenching his jaw. Brushing his bangs out of his blue eyes again, he had to fight the urge to yell out.

“I _am_ over her. I’ve been over her for a long time.” Sophie merely stared at him in doubt, raising a snow-gray eyebrow. “I just- I’ve had this idea that you were my one true love for long. It was the only long-term reality I could envision. For the longest time, you were just a stranger. A stranger I imagined the rest of my life with; the only person I had ever done so with.”

“And then _she_ came along. I couldn’t describe why I loved her like that. I still can’t.” Suddenly, the thought occurred to him that perhaps keeping all of [Name]’s stuff locked up in a hidden room was far creepier than he had initially assumed. 

Sophie remained silent, processing what Howl had told her. Calcifer switched his eyes from Sophie back to Howl and back to Sophie again, gauging both of their reactions. In the fire-demon’s humble opinion, he believed that it had taken Howl far too long to come clean about [Name]. Not that your current lover was entitled to know about your past love-life — just that [Name] had affected Howl in so many ways that not knowing she existed was a disservice to Sophie.

“Well, then, I’ll let you mourn for the night or whatever. I, personally, don’t think that soulmates exist but I also think that we’re a special case.” Sophie smiled, taking Howl’s shaking hand with her warm one. “So, don’t think about her too much. Just in case you fall out of love with me.”

* * *

“Howl? Where are you going?”

Howl paused at the doorway, frozen. A hood was thrown over his head as he was semi-shifted into his bird form. Her sleepy voice murmured out to him, fatigue obvious in her barely contained yawn. 

“Somewhere far away.” He grasped onto the doorknob, preparing to launch himself into the void.

[Name] grabbed his other hand, noticing the feeling of down feathers on the back of his hand. She pulled, gently guiding him to turn around. Briefly surprised by the feathers on his face, she quickly recovered and stared him fully in the eyes.

“When are you returning?” The wavering pain in her tone was quite unnoticeable; but all the more noticeable to him. Howl gave her a bittersweet smile and her hand a squeeze, removing his from her’s.

“In a little while… I’ll be back soon, so you’d better be waiting, alright?” Sticking out his pinky, his heart within Calcifer couldn’t help but break a little. “Promise?” [Name] was frozen from shock, so he pushed his pinky forward a bit. She broke out of her daze and took his pinky with her entire hand, pulling him into a fierce hug.

“Be safe.”

“Anything for you.” 

[Name] released her arms wrapping around his chest, bringing her palms up to cup his face. Howl’s eyes widened out of surprise, letting go of the doorknob to put his hand on one of her’s. Searching for something in his expression, she eventually gave up and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

“Seriously, be safe.”

“I will.” A bittersweet smile rose onto his lips, leaning in his forehead to press against [Name]’s. Letting go then was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. 

Turning his heel with new reluctance and caution, he twisted open the doorknob and cast one last glance back at her. For her sake, he would return safe. And for his own too. 

Howl thought he had imagined the feeling of warm tears falling onto his shoulder. 

…

“It’s already been a month since he left, [Name]. You should just give it up already.” Calcifer sighed, gesturing for her to bring him more firewood. 

“You mean it’s _only_ been a month since he left! I think we’re managing quite well, thank you.” [Name] grinned with a touch of backhandedness, wiping away at crumbs on the dining table. Markl hummed from his seat, flipping through a guide on the many demons of Ingary.

“Whatever. When a month turns into a year, you’ll regret letting him ghost you.”

“He’s not ghosting me! He’s doing… wizard stuff.” 

“Uh huh. Sure.”

“Either way, whether it be a year or ten, he’s coming back.”

“How do you know?” She rolled her eyes, continuing to clean the table without a beat missed.

“He told me so, didn’t he? I’ve never known Howl as a liar. He’s many things — but, not a liar.”

“Not to you.”

“Well, then it’s all the same isn’t it?” Calcifer quieted down when he heard that, realizing he wasn’t going to get to her. He sighed, huffing.

“Fine. Do whatever you want. But when Howl breaks your heart like all the others, don’t complain.” 

[Name] stopped cleaning briefly to put a hand on her hip, cocking an eyebrow at the little fire. She shook her head with a belligerent smile, placing the rag down onto the table. 

“Why are you so adamant I leave?”

“I just don’t want your heart broken.”

“He won’t break my heart. A promise made is a promise kept, isn’t it?”

Hope still burns in her eyes like a newly lit candle. 

…

The eternal green of the vast wasteland is beginning to yellow and brown at the edges.

“[Name]... I miss Howl,” Markl groaned with a pout, picking at his food. [Name] sighed with a tight smile, pulling out a chair besides him. She patted his shoulder lightly, concealing her own sadness. Calcifer stared at the both of them from his place in the fire, eyes bright and always lurking. “It’s not that I don’t like your teaching, I just wish he was here.”

“I get it, Markl. I miss him too.” Patting him on the head gently now, she looked over the book that was opened besides him. “You’re studying runes now? Wow!”

“Yep, they’re pretty interesting. I’m not really sure how they work right now but I’m figuring out their functions.”

“Do you need any help?”

“I think I’m alright. For now, at least.” [Name] nodded, getting up from her seat at the dining table.

“You’ve been doing well lately. I’m proud of you,” she mustered up a weak smile, giving him a thumbs-up. He returned the smile with the same amount of vigor, continuing to scrape at his plate. “You want to get a cake later … or something? To celebrate your growth?”

“I’m fine.” 

“Ah. Okay.”

[Name] hid her frown by turning away to study her own material, continuing her research. 

Hope lingers in her every flip of the page.

…

It’s winter now.

A biting frost surrounds Markl and [Name] every time they must venture outside — snow coats the ground with black ice hidden underneath. You’re liable to slip at any moment. Luckily, [Name] and Markl came up with an enchantment for their boots that prevents slipping on ice. 

Her warm breath curled up in the freezing air; whitening vapor floating upwards.

“Come, Markl! We have a client to visit today!” The witch called out from in front of the little boy disguised, holding out her hand for him to grab. The brunette scurries to reach her hand, small feet hitting the pavement harshly. 

Finally arriving at the house that called for the two, [Name] rapped her knuckles onto the door thrice. A young man peeked his eyes from the slit of an opening he had made.

“Who are you?”

“We’re from Jenkin’s.” Markl quickly stated, stroking his fake beard for added effect.

“Oh. Come in,” The young man quickly introduced himself as Peter Haganndorf and described his mother’s illness. “She’s up here.” He led [Name] and Markl up the stairs of his house to a room in the back hallway. There in the room, laid his mother, completely bedridden.

“Her condition gets worse by the month,” Peter nervously stated, wringing his hands. “I’ve tried everything; I’ve hired the best doctors I could to come look at her, I’ve had chiropractors come, hell, I’ve even had a remedy-maker come. There’s just no end to her condition. I don’t know what to do anymore.” [Name] blinked slowly, taking in the situation. His mother reminded her of her own; her face, even her condition. Suddenly, her mouth became dry.

“I- I’m sorr-”

“Here, give her this one supplement every other day for a month with water. Then we’ll come by again to check up on her condition,” Markl interjected before [Name] could finish, handing Peter a small wooden vial of pills. 

“Are you sure they’ll work?”

“W-well, they’re still in development. But, yes, in theory, they should work.” [Name] restlessly glanced back and forth from Markl to Peter, repeatedly clenching and unclenching her fists. This was her work for nearly the past year. Peter stared at her with sullen eyes, hands reaching out for the medicine as they would to dying hope.

“This is my last option… what do I owe you?”

“Nothing. This product isn’t guaranteed to work.”

“Alright. Thank you.” Peter hesitated to leave his mother’s side before accompanying Markl and [Name] out. “Thank you for coming all this way in such freezing weather — get home safe!” Shutting the door on them, they began their long trek back to the castle.

“Why did you give them the pills?”

“Well, you’ll never know if they work unless you have someone to test them on.” [Name] abruptly stops in the middle of the road. “What’s wrong?” She pauses before giving the boy an answer.

“It’s nothing. Thank you, Markl.”

Hope is slowly becoming less reliable to [Name] and company.

…

The snow all around them is very gradually becoming slush.

“Now, you can’t get your hopes up about the result.”

“Me? Get my hopes up? What hope?” Markl scoffs, knocking on Peter’s door precisely a month later. [Name] thinks he’s much too cynical for a boy his age. 

“Oh, it’s you! Come in!” Peter seems much livelier this time; color has returned to his face and he’s wearing the smile of adolescence. “I think the medicine is working!” His mother is now sitting in a rocking chair by their fireplace, staring at a book in her lap. The sunshine of joy warms [Name] up immediately, a spring in her step as she enters the living room.

The woman looks up a Markl and then [Name], beckoning them forwards. She can move!

“Goodness, you’re up and about, Ms. Haganndorf! I take it the supplements are helping?” The [color]-haired woman can barely contain her smile, finally knowing that all her years of searching and failing weren’t for nothing. 

“They absolutely are,” Ms. Haganndorf’s voice is hoarse but compared to a month ahead, she was practically bouncing with energy. “Could I buy some more supplements today?”

“Yes, that’s precisely why we’re here! I have another month’s worth of medicine right here.” Markl smiles, quietly enjoying the presence of a happier [Name]. “It’s funny because it takes a month to make each batch.” No one knows what the joke is so they all half-heartedly laugh. 

“What do we owe you this time?”

“Oh — ? Nothing! Just like last time.”

“The medicine worked, so we have to pay you!”

“Ah, well…” [Name] felt sheepishly asking for morning from a mother and her young son.

“Ten gold coins.” Peter nodded frantically and went to grab (presumably) his mother’s purse, digging through it until his hand met her wallet. 

“Here! Thank you so much.”

“It’s simply our job. We’ll be off, now.” Markl stated matter-of-factly, tipping his hat at the two. Turning his heel, he began heading for the door. 

“Good bye!” Markl and [Name] headed out, closing the door behind them. The air outside was damp and smelled of snow and dirt. 

“I… did it.” Markl smiled at [Name], grabbing her larger hand in his. 

“You did.”

Hope is the last thing on her mind right now.

…

Baby sprigs of flowers and clovers scatter over the fields of the wasteland outside while [Name] is cramped up in Howl’s laboratory, experimenting and waiting. 

She started two batches of the medicine immediately after they returned from Peter’s home.

It had nearly been a month since she and Markl had visited Peter. Tomorrow was scheduled to be the day they visited Peter and his mother. [Name] continued to chop vegetables in preparation for dinner; her mind completely preoccupied. Concentrating elsewhere, she nicked her finger on the blade. Cursing, she stuck her index finger into her mouth with a hiss.

Setting the blade down with a sharp thud, she swiped at the sweat beading on her forehead with the back of her hand. A grim expression rose on [Name]’s face.

“I can’t wait any longer.” 

Markl nodded solemnly, stopping what he was doing at his place at the table. 

“I get it.” [Name] smiled in appreciation, glad that the young boy was so unexpectedly understanding.

“I’m leaving tomorrow morning, at dawn.” Markl nodded again, setting aside his book. Calcifer mused to himself -- she was finally leaving Howl in pursuit of her own.

“Do you want me to help you pack?”

“Yeah, that would be nice.” [Name] picked up the knife again, grinning sadly at the brunette. How would she explain to Howl? When would she get back? If this cured her mother, wouldn’t this be the end of her journey? Would she ever need to see Howl again after this?

Nightfall came and she began to pack for her long trek back to her hometown on the other side of Ingary. After finishing packing, [Name] sat down at her newly cleared desk with a pen and a paper. Pondering for a moment on what she should write, she eventually just began and kept going.

Signing her name at the end with a flourish, she pressed a kiss underneath her signature. Her lipstick left a pretty stain on the paper.

“Give this to him when you see him.”

“[Name]...” She shook her head with a bittersweet smile, patting Markl on the head. He reached up a small hand to swipe away at a secret tear.

“You’re getting taller, aren’t you? Look at you… constantly growing.” [Name] cupped his face in her palms, wiping away at his shiny cheeks. Markl sniffled, headbutting himself into a hug. “Don’t cry, Markl. We’ll meet again.”

…

“Markl… where is she?” Howl stumbled through the door, feathers barely retracted into his skin with many scratches and wounds. During his entire time gone, he had been looking forward to coming back to [Name]’s open arms. Time spent in the void was often distorted; never lining up with real time. To him, he had been gone for a month.

“Ms. [Name] told me to give you this.” Markl walked over to a growing stack of papers, pulling out a surprisingly pristine envelope. It was addressed to Howl.

Tearing open the envelope, her letter fell into his hands. All fight was leaving his body but the sheer shock of her not being there was like a punch to the gut. Anger was blurring his vision and the world swayed around him. He had … blood loss? Barely managing to stabilize himself by collapsing into the couch, his bleary eyes could hardly comprehend the words on the page. 

She … had found the cure to her mother’s disease? Lovely. Great. She didn’t know when she was coming back? Not great. Could, very well, send Howl spiralling. But she also promised that one day, she would come back to him? 

Howl’s blue eyes drifted over her signature and then the kiss mark she had left, now crying. 

Of course, later he blamed his crying on his melting at the same time.

* * *

Even now, [Name] was evident in everything in and around the castle. Markl had become much more dependable in Howl’s time gone, and the castle was still pristine in the less visited places. She had even organized his potions cabinet in such a way Howl couldn’t bring himself to mess up. 

Howl looked up at the secret hatch, balling his left hand into a weak fist. 

Why had he kept her belongings? Was it the hope that she would return? Was he simply unable to separate her from himself any longer? Or maybe it was just because he had fallen in love with her.

Sighing, he averted his gaze and unclenched his hand. It had already been five years.

He walked out of his laboratory and shut the door with a decisive bang, setting up the protective enchantments had placed around it. Now he headed for his room, tired.

The blond took the letter out of his breast pocket when he was alone, sitting down on his creaky bed to read it for the nth time. 

Pressing his lips to the fading lipstick stain, he folded the letter once more and set it down on his desk. The red of the lipstick had been smeared to the point where it no longer resembled a mouth; maybe just a pink cloud.

Howl clutched the letter to his chest with trembling fingers, tears running down his cheeks again.

“One last promise to uphold… right?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully Howl is in-characterish since I was trying to make him much more inexperienced and uncertain in this. Mostly because of his age lol. I wanted to make him like that cuz idk how to write emotionally mature characters lmaoo. This took roughly 20hrs total to write, not counting the time spent re-reading and plotting.
> 
> The funny thing is that I only started to plan it out after I'd written the first 7.3k words,, which is,,,,, uhhhhh LMAO. Also sorry for the ugly spacing i truly just got too lazy to deleted the extra lines cuz i wrote everything in google docs. 
> 
> All inspired by that time where Howl melts and Calcifer says he's done it when a girl left him before lol. My irl friend (idk if i can use her name) helped me beta and suggested a lot of points to me, and I really appreciate her for that. Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


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